A powerful love relationship (whether espressed positively or negatively) probably has karmic undercurrents to it. We can look at this from the viewpoint that these two people have interacted in a past life. Or, we can take the perspective that we attract certain types of people in order to work out old issues of ours. Either viewpoint is feasible and can be dealt with. After all, "karma" simply means "consequences".
The idea of karma in a relationship is sort of spooky, no matter how it is manifesting. There are feelings of deja vu and an underlying knowledge of what makes the other person tick. This can be a positive expression, deepening the emotions and making one far more conscious of their actions and behavior than they might be ordinarily. It may be a negative expression, wherein two people act out an old behavior pattern from the past as if it were a film loop, running over and over the same material.
Many people will make their decisions about a relationship based upon the karma it carries. This can cause some to avoid any connection, because of an understanding that this relationship will be "high maintenance", meaning that a lot of discussion is required, lots of working out of misunderstandings, choices, etc. This appears to be part of the consequence of running a more "conscious" relationship.
Nasty karmic situations are often marked by violence or tragedy. Some long-term abuse situations appear to be old habit patterns in action, a "We've always done this," sort of condition.
Breaking out of a karmic pattern can be constructive whether the love relationship is having trouble or not. A lovely bit of synchronicity in this is that whenever we make the choice to work out relationship karma, we are demonstrating our readiness to be free of it. Here are some examples of how this can work:
Our own repetitive behavior:
If we find ourself attracting the same sort of "wrong" partner each time, we can explore how our needs for this are now fulfilled. For example, women often complain they have come across "another emotionally unavailable man," who comes close only to distance himself later down the road.
Compulsions with a partner:
When we are in a punishment or debt-oriented cycle with a specific partner, we can choose to work together as equals to end the old competitive pattern. We can set aside our need to be right, or controlling and find ways to support one another.
Same old thing, tra la:
If we have found a favorite pastlife partner with whom we just like to spend time with, we can move our attention to creating new goals to accomplish together. This is a fantastic way to build positive karma that you can reap from life and life.
Making a karmic situation more conscious is always very rewarding. I liken it to getting the steering wheel back after the car has been running out of control. Our spiritual debts, mental patterns and personality quirks are things that we can move through and consequently transform. This is our evolutionary destiny and we can influence it.
So don't fear that all karmic love relationships have to be challenging and difficult. As we choose to be more conscious we can transform negative patterns by choosing more conscious and loving behaviors.
There are some who say that all love relationships are karmic in nature and this may have validity from the perspective that we are all one and come from the same source. For our purposes though, I'm discussing this in terms of subconscious habit patterns that bring us into contact with the same individual lifetime after lifetime, or a pattern which causes us to attract certain consequences on a repetitive basis.
In this column we'll look at what happens when we keep meeting the same person. "Coincidences" run rampant and there may be a frequent sense of deja vu. We may find ourselves in situations or conversations where we feel that we've been handed a script and we know just what our lines are. This can be disturbing, since it's definitely out of the ordinary, and we may wonder what it means. I expect that quite a few people run from a particular relationship just because they sense the repercussions ahead.
We can safely assume that we continue to be drawn to the same person in order to share learning and assist in each other's evolutionary process. The trick here seems to be that we must manage to avoid acting out the same experiences and instead, develop new approaches and solutions to life. It can seem so much easier though, to follow in time-worn habits of behavior, some of which may seem "right" simply because we've done them so often. These can include being the punching bag for the partner who has never been motivated to find a different expression for his/her anger, or being the "bad guy" for the martyr who has developed no other focus for self-esteem. Our job in the relationship is to provide an evolutionary impetus for each other to find the new solutions and not play out roles which are damaging to ourselves and our partners.
A more positive view of this situation occurs when both partners have the intention to grow as individuals. In this case, our partner can provide an objective perspective of a behavior or recurring difficulty, allowing us to look beyond our typical solutions. On occasion this objective perspective can manifest as a very loud yell in our ear, breaking through a comfort zone and demanding that we wake up. Regardless of the means, it is difficult to remain oblivious to the consequences of our behavior while in a karmic relationship.
Sometimes we will come together with someone in order to balance old debts. This is very common and can sometimes be misleading. That occurs when we believe that this is a lifetime relationship but it is actually intended to last only long enough to even an old score. I suspect that this is what happens sometimes in marriages when one partner supports another through an educational phase and then the educated partner leaves. Perhaps this was a pay-back of support given in the other direction in the past. When we look at such a situation only in terms of current conditions though, it can be very upsetting.
In the next love and relationship article based on metaphysics, we'll look at how to make more conscious use of the evolutionary possibilities inherent in a karmic relationship.
In this relationship article we'll be looking at ways to make more conscious use of the evolutionary possibilities in a karmic relationship. Many of the suggestions for a successful relationship with karmic ties are identical to those you'll find recommended for soulmates. In my opinion, all soulmate connections are karmic, but not all karmic relationships involve soulmates. Some may consider this a good thing, due to the fact that a soul mate relationship requires a large committment to our spiritual growth...and not necessarily the easy way.
Part two of this series describes some of the clues for understanding whether you're involved in such a love relationship. When it has become obvious that we're involved in a karmic relationship of some kind, there are certain things we can do to move it in the best direction. We can be in a karmic relationship with anyone, a lover, the postman, dear old mom, anyone. Rather than feel that we are a victim of this phenomenon, we can assume a perspective which is more positive, healthy and life-affirming.
In metaphysics, this means that we have to be willing to have faith in certain principles. In this situation, one could have faith in the idea that this relationship isn't in your life to punish you, but instead, as a reward. You have been given the opportunity to advance your personal evolution through the dynamic of this relationship. View your situation as this: the person you are relating to is an angelic messenger for you, a special tutor in the game of human existence. With this perspective, you will tap into the God-Self of that person. This is an amazing experience.
Learning to do this is relatively easy, if you have the nerve to follow through with it. At issue of course, is the risk of opening up. One of the nice things about a karmic relationship is that there's a degree of familiarity already, so opening one's heart and soul can be somewhat easier. An open heart and soul are necessary to personal evolution. The idea is that this is a type of personal growth that will last you for more than one existence. Long term gains.
Communication is usually the key to making the relationship perform a positive function. This of course is a tool for opening up. To bring out the positive function of a karmic relationship, it is necessary that we confront the fact that this is what is happening and talk to the other person about it. This means that we have to discuss the condition of our soul with our friend and hopefully, they will return the favor. Right away this eliminates many of the karmic implications of the relationship, since getting through the secrets and illusions has mostly been accomplished.
What we must understand is that in a karmic relationship we are dealing with raw, vulnerable, soul stuff. The masks of ego are simply a distraction and can be rather ruthlessly violated if we do not open up willingly. This is where the unpleasant aspects of a karmic relationship can come in. Sometimes very little can happen in the relationship except for beating away at egoic structures, because neither party is willing to release them and learn their real lessons from each other.
The lessons that we have to learn from each other can be as varied as life itself. One may be certain however, that the lesson is deep, personal and one that, left to our own devices, we would probably avoid. This may be why such spiritual devices are part of our lives, to provide an external force to motivate the learning experience. Our "karmic buddy" is in our lives to assist in our learning, and we supply the same service to them.
Karmic relationships are valuable gifts that can help us on our spiritual journey. This can only occur however, if we're willing to let go of the petty ego structures that we find useful as one-lifetime-only propositions. When we can take our entire spiritual existence into account and act from that perspective, major learning experiences can take place.
